My eyes traced the corners of the frame I was facing. Ah, clouded dreams reflecting on the city’s lights. I looked above and saw a flying dove. It’s like me, flying in a direction she can’t see. How did I get from being a girl full of wonder to a woman who could barely affirm her goals in uncertainties she now always tries to ponder. Are these all that lies in the epiphany?

Numerous paths with several opportunities– where should I be heading?

The city is vast, the streets are baffling, and the directions are… I don’t know.

My thoughts flooded, drifting me back to the person I used to be. As a person who had always thought of something more, I never felt like it was enough for me to stay in the province. It was a feeling of an undesirable fear: fear of not being able to succeed, fear of not being able to keep up with the world, and fear of not being able to find my purpose in this lifetime. If the world continues to spin, so shall I continue to move forward; I cannot achieve this if I were to confine my dreams, goals, and life in the small corners of our province.

I had to thrive for more because limiting myself with the limits others have established for themselves will not get me anywhere I want.

And so, as my consciousness grew, I reached for things I could not even think of then. I was so sure back then… but where am I now?

How did I lose the compass of where I should be heading?

In most cases, I ask myself, what labyrinth am I taking? A question that I always try to keep me searching for answers.

Wandering has brought me both sadness and ecstasy. It was a different joy to grow and be recognized because of my skills. It was a different level of happiness when I heard the people I know being proud of who I’ve become, bragging about what I can be. It was a different moment of bliss to see that I had come somewhere the old version of me could not.

But…

But.

It was also a different kind of pain to grow and recognize that I have left things I cannot reclaim. It was a different level of sorrow when I realized that I was barely performing enough, struggling to keep what was then expected of me. It was a different moment of grief to know that I had seen and experienced a taste of what I wanted, but then epiphanies that maybe this was just not for me.

What if I am really not for these things?

What if I am taking a path that’s not really for me?

With all these struggles, what if I am just forcing myself to be here?

What if?

Stumbling on twists and turns, blockage and endpoints, I realized that people will always have a part of them that is kept from the oblivion of everyone, even themselves. With all the discoveries I made in this journey, I uttered, “Ah, maybe I never really knew myself enough to doubt my own goals.”

Maybe I can never really fit into my own ideals.

Maybe this world really is too big for me to venture.

Maybe life is too intricate for me to learn and find out.

My eyes traced the corners of the view I was facing. Ah, the city’s lights illuminating the darkness of the night. I saw how the view shone with the sun’s rise, blending with these gleaming lights. Dawn is nearing. My thoughts flooded, seemingly arranging my already torn life. I looked above and saw a flying dove. How can it be so easy for them to fly when the darkness has already loomed over?

And so, I looked ahead and asked myself, “Should I just stop because I don’t know where I’m going?”

I took a step and sighed.

Of course not.

I did not come this far only to come this far.

With fear at heart, I looked beyond the streets, trying to seek the way where I should be. I looked back from where I began; there, I saw the way and why it must be that way. I tried to find its end but was not able to. I kept my faith. Smiling, I uttered, “Ah, maybe my goals are really this complex for me to have a hard time.”

Instead of being threatened, I grew to be challenged— a healthy challenge at that. I grew more passionate about doing well, determined to make people proud, and worked harder to be where I wanted to be.

I came to an epiphany, a realization that it was never really that complicated; I just had to see things in a different sight, a sight for compassion for this complex world, a sight with faith that would guide me through my navigation of this intricate life.

My eyes traced the corners of the street I was facing. Ah, the darkness of the night is fading out of my sight. Dawn has loomed over. I saw how the girl who used to question herself was standing up and getting ready to journey back. She was meant to ask herself to strengthen her foundation of faith. Faith that she will get to where she wants, succeeding, keeping up, and serving her purpose. Faith is what straightens our uncertainties. Faith: it is what lies in epiphany.

Editor’s Note: This article was first published in the Banaag Diwa 2025: Nasaag Literary Folio of Atenews.