While others are celebrating Father’s Day with their fathers, I am here greeting Father’s Day with you somewhere around the globe again. I am here, waiting for your call, for a conversation that could’ve been more often and more personal if not only for the distance and time that separate us.
Twenty one years and I have grown used to you not being around, only being there at most 2 months in a year. This seems like any other normal day if not for my Facebook Newsfeed filled with greetings and photos of friends with their fathers.
When I was a little kid, I used to think you were just having a vacation with us. I knew you were my Papa, but I knew I couldn’t have the same Papa they had. A father who is present in every birthday, recognition day, and a special day like this where families should have been complete. I wish I could’ve met you at the airport with no uneasiness for unfamiliarity. I wish I could’ve hugged you tightly the way a child misses a father.
As a teenager, I envied them. I wish I could’ve told you my disappointments whenever they misinterpreted and bullied me. I wish I had the courage to open up to you about heartaches I was scared of sharing because of your protective instinct as a father.
Years passed and doubts just turned to lenience. I liked your wisdom about life, Pa, more than those that I learned in any reading. I liked stories about your teenage life—how you just didn’t like to choose friends despite scolds you get from grandmother. You always choose to see the good in them anyway. I liked your open-mindedness about cultures and every country’s people. Maybe that’s what you learned in your travels. I’ll never learn them the same way I learned in books. Your child grew to be a book-smart kind of smart than a street-smart type and more practical and gutsy type like you.
I remember when I cried and told you you could’ve just worked here. I couldn’t look at you, but I knew from your silence how it broke your heart to see your daughter break down in tears because of your choice to be a seaman and be a good provider to your family.
Until now, I feel differently for songs like “Leader of the Band” and “Dance with my Father”. At some point, I’m blank. Then I just want to cry. I always have loved to make you proud, Pa. I always loved to see you smile and laugh for the short time you stay with us because your work requires you to. More than any recognition I attain, your look is priceless when you see me reach a high note singing karaoke with you. I find it funny that we can be happy at the simplest ways yet you felt the need to be away.
I wish I could’ve known you better, Pa, but know that I love you as much. A love like yours to us and mine to you may not be the usual, but it’s special. A Father’s Day will never be the same without a father to celebrate it with, but I’ve learned to just pray for you wherever you are and have faith in what we have as a family.
We’ll always be waiting for your arrival. Happy Father’s Day!